ecieci
11th April 2009, 02:12 AM
As soon as I stepped onto the Ngurah Rai Airport ground the bright shining Bali sun welcomed me. My eyes hadn't been able to adjust quickly with the rich amount of sunshine. I had to squint my eyes harder to recognize the shape of my grandmother, the only person who picked me up at the airport.
"My dearest Lila !" She rushed to give me a bear hug, like she always did ever since I could remember. She had grown much older from the last time I saw her, I noticed, more wrinkles on her face and she seemed to wobble while walking. When did she start to be so old? She used to take me to the wet market when I was little, carrying me so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed by the throng of fish and vegetable traders, but now she couldn't even walk strongly. I felt a pang in my heart.
"Let me take a look at you," She released me and looked at me so kindly. A smile drawn on her old face. "I thought I would never see you again. Yet now I'm here to help you prepare your wedding..." She got teary eyed.
Oh man, it's getting embarrassing. I hugged her again to distract her emotional state.
"How are you, grandma?"
"Ah, same as usual. The world seems to stop running after you retire. Everyday all I did was having tea, chit chatting, visiting people sometimes ... oh, I went to Singapore recently. Did you know that?"
My grandmother used to be a journalist and translator. She spoke five languages fluently and used to travel all around the country and to a few places in the world for work. She retired when I was 13, and ever since then until now, 15 years later, I hadn't seen much of her. Sometimes she came to our home to stay for a few days. But she wasn't in good relationship with mom at that time, although they were mother and daughter. I heard their relationship started to worsen since the passing of her husband, my mother's father. My grandfather passed away early and my grandmother had to work most of the time to support her three little children, and as a result she weren't there when they grew up and gradually their relationship got colder. I went overseas to study when I was 14 and never returned again, except for a few holidays.
And now, when I was about to get married.
"Where's your fiance?" She asked as she helped pushing my trolley to the carpark.
"Um...Andy will not be here until next week. He has work commitment."
She seems to be displeased. "But will he be here for the tooth filing ceremony?"
"Um ... does it have to be done?"
"Definitely, before the wedding ! He's not Balinese, so he has to undergo the rite of passage before he gets married !"
Ugh, those Balinese rituals ! Balinese culture consists of long, complex, hundreds of years old tradition that governed one's every stage of life. From before one was born, grew teeth, lost teeth, grew up, puberty, got married, got pregnant, died ... everything had it's own ceremony that had to be done no matter what. It was said that there was a ceremony taking place every day in Bali.
My fiance was not Balinese, so he never underwent all of these rituals. And now that he was going to marry a Balinese and hence enter Balinese culture, he had to undergo tooth filing ceremony that marked his rite of passage to becoming an adult before the wedding took place, because if this ceremony was not done, he was not considered an adult in Balinese terms, and if he's not an adult he couldn't have a Balinese wedding, meaning we couldn't get married because my parents insisted on Balinese wedding or I didn't get their blessing, you see.
Being away from this island for so many years, I was out of touch with all of these traditions. To be honest their importance never really came across me anyway. But now I found myself in the middle of the most important ritual that boasted hundreds of years tradition. Kinda felt like a deer in the headlights.
"Is Rajna here yet?" I tried to change the subject. Rajna was my little sister.
"Not yet, she's still in Jakarta. She will be flying here a few days later with your mom."
I sighed. As expected.
"And dad?"
"I heard your dad is still busy at his practice." Daddy was a psychiatrist and had a private practice in Jakarta. "He will certainly come for the wedding procession though." My kind grandmother tried to reassure me.
Whatever kind word she gave was not able to soothe me. The fact was nobody in my family came to Bali at the same time with me to help in the ceremony preparations. They didn't even bother to pick me up at the airport ! My old, tired grandmother had to wobble her way to the airport to ensure I had someone greeting me and taking me home. She knew after so many years overseas, I wouldn't be able to make my way back home by myself. I was a little pissed off with my family.
"And I presume Sis Lily is not here either."
Sis Lily was my big sister who's living with her family in Australia. She's another story altogether.
My grandmother couldn't hide her disappointed face. "I told her about your wedding the other day." She said. "Your sister said she might not be able to make it to Bali in time for the wedding because her sons are starting their school around the same period."
My heart sank. Even my own sister was going to miss my wedding? What happened to this family?
to be continued
***
"My dearest Lila !" She rushed to give me a bear hug, like she always did ever since I could remember. She had grown much older from the last time I saw her, I noticed, more wrinkles on her face and she seemed to wobble while walking. When did she start to be so old? She used to take me to the wet market when I was little, carrying me so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed by the throng of fish and vegetable traders, but now she couldn't even walk strongly. I felt a pang in my heart.
"Let me take a look at you," She released me and looked at me so kindly. A smile drawn on her old face. "I thought I would never see you again. Yet now I'm here to help you prepare your wedding..." She got teary eyed.
Oh man, it's getting embarrassing. I hugged her again to distract her emotional state.
"How are you, grandma?"
"Ah, same as usual. The world seems to stop running after you retire. Everyday all I did was having tea, chit chatting, visiting people sometimes ... oh, I went to Singapore recently. Did you know that?"
My grandmother used to be a journalist and translator. She spoke five languages fluently and used to travel all around the country and to a few places in the world for work. She retired when I was 13, and ever since then until now, 15 years later, I hadn't seen much of her. Sometimes she came to our home to stay for a few days. But she wasn't in good relationship with mom at that time, although they were mother and daughter. I heard their relationship started to worsen since the passing of her husband, my mother's father. My grandfather passed away early and my grandmother had to work most of the time to support her three little children, and as a result she weren't there when they grew up and gradually their relationship got colder. I went overseas to study when I was 14 and never returned again, except for a few holidays.
And now, when I was about to get married.
"Where's your fiance?" She asked as she helped pushing my trolley to the carpark.
"Um...Andy will not be here until next week. He has work commitment."
She seems to be displeased. "But will he be here for the tooth filing ceremony?"
"Um ... does it have to be done?"
"Definitely, before the wedding ! He's not Balinese, so he has to undergo the rite of passage before he gets married !"
Ugh, those Balinese rituals ! Balinese culture consists of long, complex, hundreds of years old tradition that governed one's every stage of life. From before one was born, grew teeth, lost teeth, grew up, puberty, got married, got pregnant, died ... everything had it's own ceremony that had to be done no matter what. It was said that there was a ceremony taking place every day in Bali.
My fiance was not Balinese, so he never underwent all of these rituals. And now that he was going to marry a Balinese and hence enter Balinese culture, he had to undergo tooth filing ceremony that marked his rite of passage to becoming an adult before the wedding took place, because if this ceremony was not done, he was not considered an adult in Balinese terms, and if he's not an adult he couldn't have a Balinese wedding, meaning we couldn't get married because my parents insisted on Balinese wedding or I didn't get their blessing, you see.
Being away from this island for so many years, I was out of touch with all of these traditions. To be honest their importance never really came across me anyway. But now I found myself in the middle of the most important ritual that boasted hundreds of years tradition. Kinda felt like a deer in the headlights.
"Is Rajna here yet?" I tried to change the subject. Rajna was my little sister.
"Not yet, she's still in Jakarta. She will be flying here a few days later with your mom."
I sighed. As expected.
"And dad?"
"I heard your dad is still busy at his practice." Daddy was a psychiatrist and had a private practice in Jakarta. "He will certainly come for the wedding procession though." My kind grandmother tried to reassure me.
Whatever kind word she gave was not able to soothe me. The fact was nobody in my family came to Bali at the same time with me to help in the ceremony preparations. They didn't even bother to pick me up at the airport ! My old, tired grandmother had to wobble her way to the airport to ensure I had someone greeting me and taking me home. She knew after so many years overseas, I wouldn't be able to make my way back home by myself. I was a little pissed off with my family.
"And I presume Sis Lily is not here either."
Sis Lily was my big sister who's living with her family in Australia. She's another story altogether.
My grandmother couldn't hide her disappointed face. "I told her about your wedding the other day." She said. "Your sister said she might not be able to make it to Bali in time for the wedding because her sons are starting their school around the same period."
My heart sank. Even my own sister was going to miss my wedding? What happened to this family?
to be continued
***